p/b (Martin) (potatoblight) wrote,
p/b (Martin)

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I'm about to do the hardest thing yet in my life.

Quit the bottle.

My name is Martin Sullivan, and I am, without a shadow of a doubt, an alcoholic.

It is time to stop lying to myself. It is time to stop destroying myself. It is time to stop hurting others. It is time to heal, become the man I should, and begin my life.

I came to a tiny epiphany Thursday night, when obliterated, I couldn't even form complete, coherent sentences whilst talking to others. The door finally opened enough to show me the man I have become. A man ruled by egregious libation. A fool. A selfish idiot hellbent on slow suicide.

More of my years on this earth have been paired with alcohol than not. That in itself is a depressingly astounding discovery.
My entire adult existance has revolved around booze. Amazing.
I don't want, at 50, to be reflecting on my life, and see that I gave it all to the bottle.


That evil relationship ends. Now.

So. I could write much more, but I need to shower and get to Kelly's on time, for tonight is my first ever AA meeting. Today is day 1.

I ask for understanding and strength.

I'm gonna fucking need it.
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